Many areas of the Bible are difficult to understand, and a lot of the meanings of passages might have been lost in the various translations of the Bible over time.
One area that seems to be misunderstood a lot has to do with gender roles in marriage.
In Genesis, God took Adam’s rib to make Eve. Ephesians 5:23 says,
“For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
This clarifies that the husband should take the lead in the marriage, but this doesn’t give him the right to use the wife as a servant. She is supposed to be his helper, not someone who is only around to do his bidding.
Where Does the Bible Say a Wife Must Submit to Her Husband?
The passage that is most often used as the basis of a subservient wife if Ephesians 5:24, which does give some specific requirements when added to Ephesians 5:23. This passage notes, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their how husbands in everything.” The issue that you find with this passage is that people tend to just ignore the first half of it so they can focus on telling a wife to obey her husband.
By ignoring the first part of the passage, they are missing out on the primary message of the passage. The qualifier of “just as the church is subject to Christ” sets a big standard for the couple. The church submits to Christ because he is the leader.
He has the best interests of his followers in mind. There aren’t any selfish motives when it comes to Christ’s leadership. The church wants to follow the leader who is taking care of it.
What Does This Mean for the Marriage?
The husband should be a loving and caring leader who is putting his family before himself. His job is to protect his family, just as Christ does the church. He is supposed to support them and work by the sweat of his brow. He should be available to guide and counsel his wife and other family members just like Jesus did his disciples.
It is important to note that the position at the head of the house doesn’t mean that he should take on a role as dictator. He can’t lead by force or violence. Instead, he needs to have the patience of Christ so that he can meet his duties in the marriage.
What is a Woman’s Duty in Marriage?
The woman’s primary duty in the marriage is to help her husband. This help should always be for the betterment of the family and not just for him to advance selfish motives. Proverbs 31:10-31 gives an idea of some of the qualities of a Christian wife.
Proverbs 31:11 says:
“the heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.”
A Biblical wife must be one who is honest and trustworthy. She should behave in a way that casts a positive light on her husband. When this passage was written, a big part of doing business had to do with how you were perceived. The Biblical wife must be ethical and honest so that others will want to do business with her husband.
The Biblical wife is also a hard worker, as is evidenced in Proverbs 31:13-19. She seeks out ways to help support her household, but she does on a way that doesn’t force her to put aside her wifely duties. She gets up early “while it is yet night” to get started on her household duties, including cooking. She makes sure that anyone in her home is taken care of properly. She woks into the night to make sure that this always happens.
This passage also shows that she does have money of her own. In verse 16, “she considers and field and buys it.” She is thrifty with money and knows how to budget and spend money. She willingly puts money back into her investments. Verse 16 goes on to say that she uses her profits to plant crops that can further help to support her husband.
Verse 20 notes, “Yes, she reaches her hands out to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household.” A Biblical wife isn’t selfish. She meets needs when she sees them, but she does so without taking from her own household’s needs. She makes sure that they have everything they need before she goes off to help others.
Verses 21 through 23 introduce concepts of showing that she is worthy of being honored as a wife. She handles herself in a respectful manner even when her husband isn’t around. People in her city know that she is her husband’s wife and is always an asset for him.
In verses 24 through 26, we learn that she does what it takes to make ends meet. She is strong and full of honor. She has prepared for the future and doesn’t have to worry about what’s to come. She is a wise woman who shares her knowledge in a kind manner. She doesn’t speak ill of anyone and isn’t a harsh woman.
“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Is found in verse 27. The Biblical woman doesn’t expect her husband to come home from work and handle the household chores. Even though she has stayed busy all day, she continues to do these tasks. This doesn’t mean that the husband can’t help. She just shouldn’t demand it.
Husbands can take a lesson from John 13, which is the chapter in which Jesus washed his disciples’ feet. No task should be above the husband even though he is the head of the household, but he should do them willingly just as Jesus did the foot washing duties.
Back to Proverbs 31. In verses 28 and 29, it says:
“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”
This is another big requirement for marriage. Unlike a servant, the wife is to be praised often. The husband must show is appreciation, which isn’t something that slave masters did often. Not only does it say that the husband should praise her, it also notes that her children should “call her blessed,” so they should realize that she is working hard to care for them.
Verses 30 and 31 have to do with seeing the fruits of her labor. First, these passages remind her that outward beauty isn’t going to last forever and that being charming is deceitful. She should be more concerned with her integrity and her relationship with Christ. Those points can lead to praise.
The final verse makes it clear that the woman will reap what she sows. If she works hard and follows the Biblical principles over her, she will do well.
What Makes it Hard for People to Abide by These Marital Guidelines?
These marital guidelines are often misconstrued, even in the church. Our God is an awesome and loving God who wants all of His children saved. He is also a God who corrects when it is necessary, but He does so in a loving manner.
Some churches preach that the woman should always obey her husband based on Colossians 3:18, which says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
The focus on the first part of that and forget that it also clarifies “as is fitting in the Lord.” With this passage, you have to think about what types of things the Lord will ask you to do. He isn’t going to ask his followers to do anything illegal, immoral, or that isn’t in their best interests.
By failing to study the Bible as a whole, as well as complete passages around verses, people tend to misconstrue what is being said. This makes a dangerous situation because you can’t know exactly what you need to do.
Instead of reading only a part of a verse, you have to learn about what is going on around it. You have to dig deeper than just the surface meaning and remember that there are usually some words that are lost in the translations.
When it comes to your marital duties, think about how you can better your marriage. Wives can’t be lazy and husbands can’t be overbearing. When the wife works diligently and the husband leads with love, the marriage can be successful and work for them for the remainder of their days, just as God intended marriage to be.
Common Misconceptions About the Bible: